youcantooblog.com

---

I am trying to be the shrink shanny.

Mental health is the blight that no one talks about. In asian cultures where people are more conservative, issues like these are not being tackled and are swept under the rug. After all I can’t blame them- in a society where people care about results and successes, who wants to listen to someone going through a tough time. That being said, thanks to the changing of the times, and current generation stepping up and actually exploring and educating others that showing emotions, both negative and positive are ok.

I want to know that expressing emotions regardless of it being positive, negative, pretty or ugly, is ok.

I have always struggled with emotions and I know myself that I am mostly emotionally unavailable. I have been known as the fun guy ever since I started school. I loved being the fun guy because I love making others happy, but making others happy can’t in turn make you happy. So much of my identity and who I thought I was was rooted in the fact that I thought that I had to stay in the character as the fun guy. And some times when I can’t be that fun guy it scares me, because if I am not the guy that everyone sees me as, then who am I?

I failed to realise that I don’t owe it to anybody to be the fun guy. I am that fun guy because its in my personality to be fun, but like what Shrek said, Ogres have layers. Everyone has layers.

It took a long time for me to figure out that I owe it to myself that I have to just be me and not what I think others want out of me. Before this realisation I found myself confused all the time, not sure of who I am or what I want or why I was feeling so angry with the world around me. But even now I can’t say that I have the answers to one of those questions let alone all of them.

And that’s the thing, nobody knows themselves 100% at any point in time of their life. The journey of being self aware is the journey of learning, getting to know your wants and needs, getting to know the true you. Being confused is apart of the journey too, it takes time and effort to start peeling the onion and reaching the core you.

Self awareness and loving who you are as a person is never going to be a straight path. And we all need to know that.

Talking about my emotions has always been my shortcoming. I have always known how I felt but I never knew how to express and showcase my feelings in a way that others would understand. It made me feel lonely.

I’m very grateful to my support system who has helped changed me for the better, being more open to new ideas and helping me learn to love myself and accept who I am as a person. Talking about emotions, feelings, and doing self reflection will help paint the picture that is me. To find out what is under all those layers is a question I hope to answer while on this journey. But if I don’t that is ok too.

Finding yourself is never going to be easy, and it is not meant to be. But I want to try, I want to be better.

---

It Never Hurts To Try